Eek, an Urchin (Alt Version)

 [At the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob is whistling and flips a Krabby Patty onto a bun. Then walks over and squirts ketchup on it also accidentally spilling some on the floor] 

SpongeBob: Oh, i've made a mess. And that means. [takes out a spray and a rag] .cleaning time! [sprays himself in the face] My eyes! [the spray bounces away] My spray. [watches it roll toward the grill] Oh no, it rolled. [the spray rolls under the grill] .beneath the grill! [runs near the grill] i can do this. [reaches his hand slowly under the dirty grill and pulls out a skull] Nope. [throws it away then grabs something] Ah ha! Gotcha! [opens his hand to reveal a sea urchin and it starts to walk on his arm making him scream] An urchin! [takes the urchin and throws it on the bun] Where's the other one?  

SpongeBob doesn't know what to do.  Then he tries to catch it with his hands but it escapes.  Then he gets it in his mouth and swallows it.  

SpongeBob: [looks into his mouth to see if he has eaten it] Yeah!  i'm fine.  [looks down to see a piece of meat sticking out of his pants] Meat.

Squidward: Nothing ever happens in this dump. 

SpongeBob: [jumps up] Squid! 

Squidward: Why did i say that? 

SpongeBob: [jumps up] Ward! 

Squidward: [pulls down the curtain on the window but then hears the phone ring and answers it] Krusty Krab. Just what is it?  

Squidward: It's Mr. Krabs. 

Squidward: He sounds very upset.  

Squidward: So much for our date.  Pause.  

The curtain opens on the window, Sponge Bob steps out!  

Patrick:  It's me, Patrick.  

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs?  

Patrick: i, uh, just wanted to give you some information.

Squidward: [comes into the kitchen] What? 

SpongeBob: [running all around the place, screaming] 

Squidward: [grabs SpongeBob] What are you screaming about?! [To SpongeBob] “Shut up, i’m clean, okay?”  

SpongeBob: [pointing to the sink] Come on, i’m clean!  

He turns the water on low, turns it off quickly.  then: all hell breaks loose again.  - 

Squidward: [holding SpongeBob, running out of the house] Don’t be such a sponge!  [to everyone else in the kitchen] Nice job!  

Now: “Alone, in the kitchen, with just one sister, i scrub up pretty good!” .  

Squidward: “Mommy!” .  

They laugh.  - terri:  terri:  terri:  

Terri: “i’m the one who took all the cooking classes at Cousteau School of Technology in the hopes of one day going into the restaurant business with my sister.”  “i know you never really mean it, you just think you do.”  “But that’s the point: i’m trying to open a Quarter-Trivia Nightclub.  - 

SpongeBob: “How are we ever gonna pay a chef?”  

They all are silent.

[Squidward notices the urchin on his foot and he and SpongeBob jump onto the grill with the urchin crawling around on the walls] 

SpongeBob and Squidward: [screaming] Mr. Krabs! 

Mr. Krabs: [enters] What's all the ruckus?! 

As he enters, the urchin turns.  His eyes are white and he rubs his eyes.  a long pause.  The urchin leans down, eying SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: There's an urchin in the kitchen! 

Mr. Krabs: (furiously) What?! 

SpongeBob: Something's trying to get in!  

SpongeBob:  The mob!!  

Mr. Krabs: No one can get into my kitchen!  

Mr. Krabs: (exasperated) When you're a lousy cook, you're a stud to me!  The mob can't get in, i don't hear any noise!  The ruckus was made by a loose dog!  [There is a brief moment of silence, then the sound of a loud, excited, "howl" echoes through the kitchen].

SpongeBob, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs: [scream and jump into bathroom stalls, and into the toilets] Ah. [enter the kitchen again to find the urchin running around] 

SpongeBob: There it is! [picks up a bucket] i'll get it! [smashes the bucket on top of the urchin] Got it! [The urchin pulls him toward a wall and he ends up in the bucket instead then spits out the urchin] 

Mr. Krabs: [has a broom] Hold it right there! [smashes the broom on the urchin] Gotcha you prickly pest! [The urchin picks him up and starts to spin him around] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! [The urchin smashes him around then onto the ground knocking him out] [Screams, falls in a heap of his own blood.]

[SpongeBob runs over to SpongeBob and Dr. Vash) 

Dr. Vash: [pulls him off the top of the dumpster] Isn't it just sweet? Sweet revenge indeed, Lord Portley-Rind.  [gets revenge by eating Dr. Vash and the entire dumpster] Ah!  Sweet vengeance, Lord Portley-Rind.  

Squidward and Mr. Squibble: We're the ones who killed him!  [enter the kitchen and do the same to Mr. Squibbles as before] That's right, boys!  You first!  [eat him then smash him to pieces with the other urchins] [when they hear that their dishes aren't finished] Oh!  [Squidward and Mr. Squibbles enter the kitchen together] Suck it up, Squishyface.

[The urchin crawls to a soda machine where Frank pours the drink and the urchin ends up in it. Frank sucks up the urchin and starts to choke on it but eventually coughs it out. The urchin goes flying around into a lady's fries and she takes one of the urchin's quills and starts to chew on it. Frank seeing that the urchin has covered himself does a karate kick on him, he falls in the lady's fries and burps up the thing, a half-empty coke bottle goes flying off the table. Frank laughs for a couple seconds and then looks out the window in disgust at all the company around him.]

Customers: Urchin?! [screams]

Frank laughs in disbelief.  chucks the urchin off the table onto the table.  Frank stops laughing as he’s about to chisel on another urchin.  He looks up and sees.  the urchin is staring at him and starts to vibrate.  [the urchin moves his head up and down frantically in an amazing-looking masturbation as someone on a telephone appears]

Plankton: [walks up to the front door] Heh! Heh! Finally! i have a fool-proof plan to steal the Krabby Patty secret formula! Krabs will never recognize me wearing.[takes out his glasses]. these glasses! [gets trampled by the screaming customers and gets up then walks into the Krusty Krab] What in the seahorse is going on around here!? 

Mr. Krabs: Plankton!? Ah that's all we need. Beat it ya crook! We have enough pests already! 

Plankton: Pests!? What are you talking about? [looks over at the urchin beside him and screams] An urchin! [jumps onto SpongeBob's face] i hate those things! 

Mr. Krusty: Listen, Plankton, you just think.

Plankton: Don't worry. [takes out a cell phone and calls someone] Karen? [Karen talks on the phone] No, i don't have it. Why do you even bother asking!? [Karen talks] Yeah, yeah. Look! Send over my killer-death robot would you? [Karen talks] No, the other one. [Karen talks, then a sudden pause from Plankton] i love you too, snookums. help's on its way! [Plankton's robot wheels into the Krusty Krab] Behold! Your champion! Ersatz!  Naughty yet Status quo!  

Mr. Krusty: It's moreraz than hork.  [points at SpongeBob] Huh?  Where's the real Krabby Patty?  Where's the. half eaten, naked homeless guy with a big hole in his chest.  

Krabs: You mean to tell me that nobody's seen this guy except you?  

Mr. Plankton: i'm a maggot, not a idiot!  It's been eight hours, i'm not stupid!  [to the shoppers] i've already lost an entire day of pay!  To the tune of Krusty's line.  Life's a downhill spiral, starts with a fall,Falls into the sea, Ooh but it's a crazy ride.  Life, is, a gas.  So let's go on an adventure.  ExactLY what this place needs!  i've seen enough human nature over the last week and i believe SpongeBob would agree with me.  [makes up some fake colors and shrinks them down] heh, let me ask you a question, if you can't sell it, can't offer it for sale, maybe this board was meant to be our secret abode. ?

[Bubble transition to Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob working on something] 

Mr. Krabs: Cactus? 

SpongeBob: [gives Mr. Krabs the cactus] Cactus. 

Mr. Krabs: [grabs the cactus] Spoon? 

SpongeBob: [takes out a spoon] Spoon. 

Mr. Krabs: [uses the spoon to get out the stuff inside of the cactus] Plankton? 

SpongeBob: [grabs Plankton] Plankton. 

Mr. Krabs: [grabs Plankton and is about to put him in the cactus] 

Plankton: Oh, come on! There's gotta be a better way! 

Mr. Krabs: [puts Plankton in the cactus suit] Spray can? 

SpongeBob: [grabs a spray can] Spray can. 

Mr. Krabs: [sprays him] Yay!  [makes his boat with the cactus suit on it] 

Mr. Mudge: Plankton!  

Mr. Mudge: It's what i always wanted! 

Plankton: [SpongeBob puts a bow on top of his head] Oh brother. 

Mr. Krabs: [walks near the kitchen holding Plankton] Now get in there, Planktonella, and lure that little rotten health hazard out of me livelihood! [throws Plankton into the kitchen] 

Plankton: [rolls his eyes and snorts] Mmmm, mmm, mmm, i love feeling unhappy and all.  

Mr. Krabs: [lowers his spoon down on a ladle] What are you doing now, Plankton? 

Plankton: [points towards Mr. Krabs] Oh!  Smashing your lunch!  

Plankton: [snort] What are you doing here?  

a girl in a tight dress comes into the kitchen from the ladies’ room.  She is elizabeth from the “u.s.a.” Elizabeth smiles at Plankton.  Plankton notices Elizabeth and his face dissolves into a teary look, a sad memory is being carried through.  He gets a bad feeling.  

Mr. Krabs:  Elizabeth, you make Elizabeth bounce! .  

And then he smiles and runs away.  

Mr. Spongecake: Yea!!  Yea!!  

The Kitties: Kiddo!  Kiddo!  (The Kitties punch Plankton in the stomach.  Plankton makes a boy-could-kiddo noise.)  

Plankton: i can’t believe this!