Scaredy Pants (Alt Version)

 French Narrator: Halloween is no different under the waves. Pirates, skeletons, and sea monsters. [laughs evilly] Ohh, sorry. Everyone having fun. Well, almost everyone. [SpongeBob is washing the dishes in the Krusty Krab kitchen. The door creaks open, and SpongeBob jumps in surprise] 

SpongeBob: Huh? Who's there? [door creaks open some more as SpongeBob goes back to washing some dishes. Turns around and three pieces of paper spelling out "boo" turn on the ordering turntable. SpongeBob speeds up the cleaning of the dishes until he finishes] 

SpongeBob: Okay, Mr. Krabs, the dishes are done, i'm leaving! [tries running out, but Mr. Krabs stops him in his tracks] 

Mr. Krabs: Hold on. Don't you want to hear my annual scary story? 

SpongeBob: Yeah.  Okay.  Let me hear.  [Mr. Krabs uses his annual sales trick for stories] 

French Narrator: Ooooh.  It's a classic.]  

SpongeBob enters and checks his watch, annoyed at the interruption.  [farts and then is startled by a giant fart]

Mr. Krabs: Have a seat, me boy. [runs while saying "hot, hot, hot when carrying the campfire" sits on a log. Mr. Krabs puts a campfire in the middle of them] Every year on Halloween night, the Flying Dutchman descends on Bikini Bottom, in a pirate ship, just like this. [holds up a Krabby Patty] Only bigger! 

SpongeBob: Excuse me, did his ship look like a Krabby Patty?

SpongeBob: Hey, didn't i just say he looks just like me?

Reverse angle on Boggis, Bunce, and Sharky.  They all can't believe what they're seeing.  

Mr.Squid: Yes.

Billy: Does the Krabby Patty look like me?  

Squidward: Yes.  Even Shrek is kinda fooled.  

Mr. Krabs: Whoa!

Mr. Krabs: Like i was saying, the Flying Dutchman swoops down and starts stealing people's souls. [holds up a pickle] 

SpongeBob: Do souls look like pickles?

Mr. Krabs: Soul's not of any flavor; it's all starchy.  

SpongeBob: Gahhh!  That tastes like.bla bla bla.  

Mr. Krabs: This guy.  

SpongeBob: Thanks.  

Mr. Krabs: So basically what i do is, i kidnap the soul and then i turn it into me.  

SpongeBob: Yeah.  

Mr. Krabs: So basically Krabs can be anything he wants and still be you, man.  

SpongeBob: [waves them off] No way!

Mr. Krabs: And he puts them where you can never get them. in his soul bag. [drops the pickle into a bag that has the words "Krusty Krab" crossed out and the word "soul" written above it. Mr. Krabs laughs evilly as Squidward appears behind SpongeBob in a pirate suit] 

Squidward: i've come for your pickle. [SpongeBob jumps up screaming] i've come for your pickle! Go get it, Squidward!  Get it!  (SpongeBob falls into the goop and gets obliterated.)  Get it.get it.  Oof.  (squidward appears on theatmeal in his regular clothes.  He nods.)  (back to bowl) 

Mr. Krazy Kong: [looks at bowl] i don't get it.  

Mr. Krazy Kong: [looks closely at SpongeBob] Ah, SpongeBob! Scaredy Pants gets easier to scare every year! [Squidward takes his costume off as SpongeBob, in a barrel, sees the pirate was Squidward, then he and Mr. Krabs laughs] 

SpongeBob: Humph, Squidward! 

Mr. Krabs: Nothing like a good ghost story, eh, me boy? Hope you're not too scared to come to me party tonight, SpongeBob ScaredyPants! [They leave, after saying goodbye]

Kraba and SpongeBob: He-he-he-he!  

Mr. Moustache: Nice job today, Squidward!  

Mortimer: Nah nah nah nah nah nah.  

Mortimer runs off.  Squidward has to leave too.  Squidward looks down at his feet.  He has nothing to wear.  He looks upset.  Brent already left.  Alone, with nothing to wear, he looks at SpongeBob.  SpongeBob looks confused.

Squidward: [walks up behind SpongeBob] Steal your soul. [SpongeBob jumps out of the Krusty Krab screaming and beings to walk home. As he is walking home, he sees a jack-o-lantern and then he walks up to a kid in a cowboy costume] 

Kid: Twick-ow-tweat! [SpongeBob screams and runs away. The kid’s parents walk up next to their son] 

Mother: It's okay, son. That's just SpongeBob ScaredyPants. [SpongeBob is walking home until Mrs. Puff drives up and honks the horn, sending SpongeBob screaming and jumping to hold onto the street light] 

Mrs. Puff: Happy Halloween, ScaredyPants. [drives off laughing] 

SpongeBob: The name's SquarePants. It's SquarePants! [it kicks up a cloud of dust]  

SpongeBob: Hello, Squidward!  [SpongeBob runs over to Pearl and races up to the front door] 

Pearl: SpongeBob!  [SpongeBob runs over to the sign on the door and looks at it and opens it]

SpongeBob: [Cut later at his house, inside a pumpkin. SpongeBob and Gary are inside of it] i don't get it, Gary. Every Halloween, no matter how hard i try, everybody scares me. 

Gary: Meow. 

SpongeBob: [carves his pumpkin from the inside] Well, i'm sick of it. [SpongeBob comes out] No more ScaredyPants! [notices his pumpkin and screams while running into his closet] This guy looks kinda hot!  

spongebob: [looking around] Wow.  It's really neat.  Now why am i pwombing around looking at this stuff?

Patrick: SpongeBob! 

SpongeBob: Gary, it's Patrick! i'm going to scare him! It's my turn. [opens the door and tries to scare Patrick] Rawr! [Patrick has some funny glasses on] 

Patrick: Hiya, SpongeBob! 

SpongeBob: Good to meet you!  [Patrick has a long shirt that reads, ""If Only!"  With smiley faces]  

SpongeBob: Be right there!  [Patrick hauls the clothes over his head] 

SpongeBob: Hello SpongeBob!  [Patrick enters] 

Patrick: Sweetheart!  What a lovely day outside!  Hey, where's that boyfriend of yours of whom you were telling me about before?  

SpongeBob: Oh.  Bane's not here yet.  

SpongeBob: That's because he's been on a boat!  From Greenland!  With a bunch of Vikings!  He's got a boat he's building and making it snow in an enchanted forest!  

Patrick: Really?  

SpongeBob: Yup, he's been here all day.  

Patrick: Wow!  

SpongeBob: He seems really nice.

SpongeBob: Why can't i be frightening for once? Where's my chance? 

Patrick: Well, if you want to be scary, you got to need a good costume. [later, SpongeBob walks out of his closet with a big, white sheet on] 

SpongeBob: What do you think? 

Patrick: Great! You're going as my trick-or-treat bag! 

SpongeBob: No, no! i'm the ghost of the Flying Dutchman! What?  

Patrick: Ah, so you got it!  You've really been doing some scaring, huh?  i'm just as scared as you are.  You're my guy!  

SpongeBob: No, no, wait!  i'm the ghost of the Flying Dutchman!  i have a family!  i have to live forever!  There's just no other way!  

Patrick: Yo, yo, yo.

SpongeBob: No! 

Patrick: Uhh. something's missing. i know! [Patrick runs inside SpongeBob's closet. a tree falls down but then gets sawed down by Patrick. Patrick comes out with a pair of clogs] Step into these babies, Hans. [SpongeBob steps into the clogs] Terrifying. 

SpongeBob: i don't know, Patrick. [doorbell rings] 

Patrick: Come on, SpongeBob. It's little kids! Little kids are easy to scare! [door opens] 

Kids: Trick-or-treat! 

SpongeBob: [jumps out and tries to scare the kids like he did Patrick] Rawr-rawr! [kids laugh] 

Kid 1: Look, it's the haunted mattress!

Kid 2: Somebody's going to get kicked in the head!  

Kids: Don't worry, i'm not wearing a mask.  

SpongeBob: Everyone outta my room! [kids walk away laughing] 

SpongeBob: i don't get it, Patrick. 

Patrick: SpongeBob, look at my new paper ghost! [Patrick holds scissors in his right hand a has a puppet on his left hand] Oooh, scary. [a pirate is watching a football game on the tv]  

[Patrick mimes ruffling hair with his left hand and having snicker faced] 

Tom: What is it Patrick?  

Patrick: Laugh, guys.  [All laugh and give thumbs up] 

SpongeBob: i think my test is tomorrow, but what about you guys?  How are you feeling about me?  

Patrick: i'm feeling pretty good about you guys.  Everyone thinks they're awesome, and we all want to do whatever we can to make you happy, SpongeBob.  

Squidward: i don't know about that, Patrick.  

Patrick: We all care about you, Squidward.  

Announcement: r.f. u. day!  The grate, by Peter Van Bleeck.  Present of Mr. Terrance andolla and r.f.u. staff, fifteen squidward students, dressed as treasure hunters.  

SpongeBob: Is it the boat? 

Patrick: It's the boat!  [Patrick brings a bunch of treasure sticks to his ear] 

SpongeBob: When we go up for the v.s.a.r. here, we're taking forever to find the tree, because our telescopes won't take us where we're looking!  [Patrick and the kids can hear a high frequency sound like babbling fish] 

Squidward: We are just looking for the door to the treehouse Patrick!  i said we are looking for the door to the treehouse!  We are going to look until we find the treehouse.  We could be in there.  We could be in there Patrick.

SpongeBob: i have a square head and a real ghost has a round one. All we have to do is make my head round and boo, i'm scary! [SpongeBob is now sitting on a chair in his bathroom. Patrick has goggles on] 

Patrick: Okay, are you ready? 

SpongeBob: [shows paper ghost] Remember, like this. [Patrick razors off SpongeBob's sides] 

Patrick: Are you sure you want to do this? 

SpongeBob: [shakes his head] Yes.  [points] This is the important part.  

SpongeBob: [taps skin around his chin] Yes.  [points at eyes] These are the eyes. 

Patrick: Okay.  The eyes are important.  Are you ready?  [Patrick runs his hand along his temples and locks eyes with SpongeBob] 

Patrick: Okay, now.  [Patrick extends his hand and sees an arrow on the wall, then lifts it to SpongeBob] 

SpongeBob: It's worth a shot.  [Patrick is about to walk over to SpongeBob] 

Patrick: Don't! Do not touch that!  i mean it!  

SpongeBob: Okay.  [crosses his fingers and nods] 

Patrick: Go.  [takes arrow and slides SpongeBob into his bath] 

Patrick: It's so warm.  [SpongeBob giggles] 

SpongeBob: Yeah, it's so warm.  It's so warm it's slippery.  

Patrick: Okay, okay.  You got me.  i'll save you.  i'll save you.  [walks up to basin] 

Patrick: i'll save you if it's the last thing i ever do.  [dumps arrow into the arrowhole] 

Patrick: Now, get your ghost hands.  [SpongeBob crawls up to Patrick and holds onto his waist] 

Patrick: Okay, go!  [walks out of frame and closes door. Later, SpongeBob is a round ghost] 

SpongeBob: What do you think? 

Patrick: Perfect. Now that's scary! [Patrick puts on his funny glasses] Let's go scare somebody. [SpongeBob runs down a street trying to scare people] 

SpongeBob: Oooh. i'm the Flying Dutchman! 

Patrick: Oooh. i don't know who i am! [man opens door] 

SpongeBob: Rawr! Rawr! i'm the Flying Dutchman! 

Patrick: Oooh, i'm the Flying Dutchman's best friend! [both run off laughing] 

SpongeBob: Wait.  What about the Man from Happy Isles? 

Patrick: Oooh.  Give me a break.  You're such an easy mark!  [The Man from Happy Isles approaches Patrick] 

The man from happy Isles: Who are you!?  

Patrick: Patrick!  Come on. i'm just your best friend!  

The man from happy Isles: oooooh!  

The flying dutchman: friends!  

the flying dutchman and the man from happy Isles: Haha!  [They hug each other]  

Patrick: Wait, i got to go!  [He gives him hug] 

The flying dutchman: You too?  

Patrick: Yeah.

SpongeBob: Who should we scare next? 

Patrick: There's a whole party just full of people down at the Krusty Krab and the Flying Dutchman is going to show up uninvited. [kids laughing] Oh! Here comes someone now! [SpongeBob jumps out to scare the kids from earlier] 

SpongeBob: Rawr! Rawr! i'm the Flying Dutchman! [SpongeBob & Patrick run off laughing again] 

Kid 2: Wasn't that the Haunted Mattress? 

Kid 3: i guess he's been demoted to a haunted sleeping bag! [kids laugh.] We feel here!  Who's next?  

The teacher asks SpongeBob to answer when SpongeBob looks up, startled.  The teacher motions to the teacher next to her. She smiles as she holds up her bowl of cereal.  She sets her bowl of cereal on top of a large book shelf and begins to pour a bowl of milk over it.  Suddenly the book shelf begins to descend, a second smaller book shelf below it.  It descends and slams onto the cereal bowl.  SpongeBob screams as he runs from the class.

[Later, Mr. Krabs is bobbing for apples with his daughter Pearl, who is dressed up as Frankenstein's bride. Mr. Krabs successfully bobs an apple, but accidentally swallows it. Mr. Krabs chokes on an apple] 

Pearl: Oh, dad, you're embarrassing me again! [cries and runs off. Krabs spits out the apple which shoots past Squidward and Sandy, breaking a window off-screen in the process] 

Sandy: Howdy, Squidward, i mean, Flying Dutchman. Great party, huh? 

Squidward: What are you supposed to be? 

Sandy: Why, i'm a pet goldfish in a bowl! 

Squidward: i don't get it. Why? 

Sandy: Stumped, Dad.  Um.  

Squidward: Spongebob.  What?  

Sandy: We all get scared when Spongebob pukes in a bowl. [SpongeBob and Patrick are on the roof of the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob is tied up with some rope which Patrick will lower him in with. SpongeBob opens a door on the roof to peek through to look at the party] 

Patrick: Are you ready, SpongeBob? [thumbs up from SpongeBob] 

SpongeBob: Okay, Patrick, kill the lights! [The lights go out.  SpongeBob just keeps looking on. Patrick begins talking through a megaphone to scare everyone. Mr. Krabs even hides in the apple barrel] 

Patrick: Wa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! i am the Flying Dutchman! Booga, booga, booga, booga! Give me your souls! [The crowd quiets down a bit.  Mr. Darcy hands him a knife.  Mr. Elbert and Mr. Collins march forward] 

Mr. Darcy: Your children are all waiting for you to come back home. [a jellyfish comes up behind Patrick and zaps him in the butt.] 

Patrick:  Huh? [Patrick stands there a few seconds. He screams and starts running around in circles] Ow! Ow! 

SpongeBob: Whoa! [flails around in and around, then dangles upside down, revealing his pants] 

Kid 3: [notices SpongeBob's pants] Hey, that's no Dutchman, that's SpongeBob! 

Squid: i'm not Squeezy! [He finally pulls it on].  Nope.

SpongeBob: [still dangling] Help! Help! 

Patrick: [using megaphone] i am not SpongeBob. Those are my street clothes! [thunder appears and the front doors are open] 

SpongeBob: [as the approaching villains start to chant] Help!  

Patrick: [attacking them and the mic clicks] Oooh!  

Patrick: [he strikes at SpongeBob and the restaurant) 

SpongeBob: [makes his way up the stairs as the villains follow him up the stairs and Patrick attacks them and they chant] i’m Patrick!  i’m Patrick!  ---

Flying Dutchman: Enough! [everyone gasps as green smoke comes into the Krusty Krab. a green figure appears, it turns out to be the Flying Dutchman. He does an evil laugh making everyone scream in terror.] 

Mr. Krabs: It's the real Flying Dutchman! [he faints] 

Flying Dutchman: You bet your white lily livers i'm the Flying Dutchman. And i'm gonna let you in on a little secret. i'm going to steal your souls. [everyone screams] Quiet! [breathes out flames to burn them] You had it coming, you little crybabies. Every year, people dressing up like me. [Squidward takes his costume off and whistles nonchalantly] Turning the Flying Dutchman name in a laughingstock. But that's not the reason i'm taking your souls. [pointing at SpongeBob, who is hanging upside down] No, this is the straw that broke the camel's back. Out of all the Dutchman costumes i've seen, yours is the most insulting. Even though it's perfectly legal, people don't really look at a Flying Dutchman costume in the street.  Well.  They don't. [cackles, then cuts the rope holding SpongeBob, and he falls to the floor] Let me tell you about scary, kid. There's all kinds of scary things in the world. Spiders are scary, uhh, i'm scary. You. you're not scary. Okay, let's get this over with. [flies back to the partygoers to steal their souls and evilly laughs in their faces again which makes everyone scream in terror again, one fish even shaking his head begging for mercy] 

Sandy: SpongeBob! 

Flying Dutchman: First, i gotta get rid of this stupid costume. [removes SpongeBob's ghost costume]  

SpongeBob: Why you gotta go to such a grrreat place, too, Dutchman? [The Flying Dutchman flies out of the Krusty Krab screaming. SpongeBob is now shown as skinless with just a brain, eyes, and a mouth with the lower half of his body] 

[The animated "SpongeBob" and we see the body of a large burly guy] 

[The loud oomph continues but spongy whirls around and spits blood across the ground.]  

Finally- The interior of the airship is unrecognizable, anyone who has ever seen this cartoon will know that the craft is very, very sad.  The entire inside of the airship looks like the bowels of hell.  There are flames shooting out, lava bubbling, blood oozing out of spots on the cabin.  Hissing wind comes from the vents above him.  Back at the Tree Trunk.  He looks at himself in the reflection in the mirror, and his face- Smiley Face.  back to scene The Krusty Krab begins to open up, books fly out and bounce all over. Everyone else, except Patrick and SpongeBob himself, runs out screaming.

SpongeBob:  It worked, Patrick. i scared everybody! 

Patrick: Yeah, i guess it was your pink hat. 

SpongeBob: Pink hat? Oh, that's not a hat. That's my brain. 

Patrick: Ohh. This is the thing. 

They take off after the others.  Patrick and the others see the Octamobots.  

Patrick: i know what you're thinking.  Only, i didn't know what i were thinking.  

Patrick fires up his spark shooter and comes after the others.  

R2D2: Hey!  Stop him!  

Donkey: Can i try one?  One of us has got to take him down.  i'm in!  Take the wheel!  i'll do the fighting!  

Patrick: Ooo!  

And as he follows the others, R2D2 stands in the path of Patrick.  

R2D2: i'm afraid that one's mine.  (leaving, he kicks the tail off of an Octamobot that's right behind him)  [We see they have formed a gauntlet] Yeah!  Yeah!  There goes that sucker!  

SpongeBob: Hey, nobody gets my flesh!