The String (Alt Version)

 [The episode begins at the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob is minding his own business, flipping Krabby Patties. He flips the patty in the air and flops it on his eyes. He flips the patty back on the grill and his eyes catch a glimmer of something out the corner of his eye.]  The door opens.  Krabby stands at the entrance, carrying a large, ominous duffle bag.  His eyes turn toward the grill.

SpongeBob: [screams in pain] Ah! Yow! Oh, oh! Ho-hum. [sprays hot mustard on his eyes, but it didn't help; it hurts his eyes even more] Hot mustard didn't help either.  Darkness and fighting.  [sprays on his bloody face, but that didn't help at all.  He is covered in blood; it runs down his face and drips off his chin] Bloody face didn't help.  [sprays on his chest and stomach.  He is covered in blood; it drips off his chest] Skin didn't help.  

Franco leans against the wall, panting.  Suddenly, the car door opens and a woman's hand reaches in and takes his briefcase.  She is very young.  Very pretty.  Her hair is wet from her earlier shower.  Her left eye is swollen shut and she has a small mole on her eyebrow.  Franco straightens up slowly and screams at the top of his lungs.  He runs towards the phone and drops the briefcase in the process.  He screams at the Girl to give him the phone.  She is frightened.  Franco picks up his briefcase and carefully replaces the phone in the car, closing the door behind him.  In the cafe. 

SpongeBob: [screams in pain] Ah! Hot mustard! [his eyes melt; grabs a fire extinguisher and sprays it in his face] Oh! Oh! Whoa! [his eyes pop back out] Whoa!  [coming back to normal] It was just mustard!  [his eyes pop back out] No, it was not mustard!  [pulling the fire extinguisher back out of his face] No, just mustard! 

Squidward: You mind? Can't you see i'm trying to read here? [SpongeBob notices a loose string on Squidward's shirt. He goes to pull it, but Squidward turns his head.] 

Squidward: Hm? [growls] [SpongeBob goes back to flipping patties and Squidward turns around. SpongeBob becomes distracted by the loose string and goes to pull it again.] 

Squidward: What are you doing?! 

SpongeBob: You have a loose thread. 

Squidward: Hm? [sees the loose thread] So? 

SpongeBob: [goes to reach the loose string, but Squidward slaps his hand away] i want to pull it. 

Squidward: [sighs] If i let you pull it, will you please let me read my book in peace?! 

SpongeBob: Mm-hm. 

Squidward: Fine. Get it over with. [SpongeBob giggles as his smile carves a circle around his face. His face falls off and he regenerates a new one. SpongeBob gleefully grabs the loose string and starts pulling it. As he pulls it, the string gets longer and longer. He climbs out through the window and unravels Squidward's shirt.] 

Squidward growls, "What are you doing?!"  

SpongeBob: Reading.  

Loses interest, tosses Squidward's shirt outside, and closes the window.  He turns back to the Bunsen burner and continues to cook the patty, while the camera zooms up.  We get a close-up of Squidward's mouth and his hand enters the process.  He yanks his hand through the lock.  a very long time.  and then he exhales sharply, ready to read.  Then his eyes come alive, and he runs.  We see his pov from inside the library.  He looks at the door.  After a moment of panic, he suddenly turns around.  back to spongebob, inside the library. SpongeBob goes to follow the loose string. Squidward looks down and sees himself nakd to the left.  It sounds like Squid is moving at a snail's pace.  Two, big wooden shark's teeth stick up out of the murky water.  Squid wades forward and screams after it. He grabs his boat and walks out in embarrassment. SpongeBob continues pulling the string and unravels the customers clothes, leaving them navel-deep in the grey.  Then he turns to SpongeBob and then looks at the customers, in a very innocent, benign way.  He hands the first customer a ticket for a lift to a theatre.  He watches in a way that is completely innocent, trying to get the customer to buy his tickets.

Customer: [gasps] Nobody look down! [covers himself] [The customers look down, see themselves naively crossing] You’re not supposed to look!  There is a deep gash on his arm.  10/30/09 green draft 13.

Fred: My leg. of my pants! [The customers cover themselves and run out. SpongeBob looks up and sees everyone is gone, oblivious to the fact that he's nicked Fred.]

SpongeBob: Seat yourself, sir. i'll be with you in a minute. [The customer immediately leaves after seeing SpongeBob naked. Mr. Krabs is in his office, kissing a dollar bill.] 

Mr. Krabs: [kisses dollar] Me most valuable possession, [grabs a picture of his daughter, Pearl] except, of course, [opens the backside of the picture and pulls out a $100,000,000 bill] for you, my love. [sighs] 

[SpongeBob comes in the office while still pulling the string. SpongeBob then unravels the dollar bill and begins decreasing the amount of the bill.] 

Mr. Krabs: What the? [screams] Me appreciation is depreciating! [sees the string decreasing the bill to one dollar] Ah! No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! [the president on the dollar bill runs away] One dollar?! [cries and wipes away the tears with the dollar] Me very effective appreciation!

[Mr. Krabs explodes. He is now where tattered clothes and is completely poor. Mr. Krabs turns and leaves in depression. Meanwhile, SpongeBob comes out through the restaurant's front door and continues unraveling the loose string. He unravels the Krusty Krab sign and pulls the letters down. The letters that drop down spell "Rusty Kab". Just then, a taxi driver pulls up.] 

Taxi driver: Someone order a rusty cab? 

SpongeBob: i like string. 

Taxi driver: Congratulations. [drives away] 

[SpongeBob continues pulling the string and unravels the taxi driver's cab. The driver crashes into a building. SpongeBob continues following and pulling the loose string, stepping on the driver's face. Meanwhile, Squidward just bought himself a new shirt at the Shirts Is Us store.] 

Squidward: [comes out with a new purple shirt] Ah, there's nothing quite like a brand-new shirt. Whoops. Forgot the tag. 

SpongeBob: [continues pulling the loose string] i got it! [unravels Squidward's bag and new shirt, leaving him nigh comatose]

[SpongeBob continues following the loose string and Squidward growls. The string leads SpongeBob to Sandy's tree dome, where SpongeBob pulls Sandy against the glass and unravels her butt.] 

Sandy: [sees her butt gone] My butt! SpongeBob! 

SpongeBob: Oops. Sorry, Sandy. [pulls the string and unravels the glass of Sandy's dome] 

[Sandy begins swimming up to the surface for air. Meanwhile, Squidward bought himself a sweater at the Sweat-rs store.] 

Squidward: [comes out with a purple sweater] Ah, nothing beats cashmere. [starts sweating] Oh, a bit warm for a sweater today, though. 

SpongeBob: [continues pulling the loose string] i can help! 

Squidward: No, no, no, no! No, no, no—[gets spun around by SpongeBob as he unravels his sweater; he looks down and sees himself nailing Sandy to the board] He's nailing her in the foot!  

SpongeBob:—Whoa!  Whoops!  Sorry, Sandy!  My bad!  i'll just hold the towel-towel! 

[The scene changes to the Bikini Bottom Zoo. Bubble Bass is teasing a pack of sea monkeys with a Krabby Patty. Bubble Bass eats the patty, then rubs his tummy and the monkey moans. SpongeBob comes by while pulling the loose string and unravels the cage bars, setting the monkeys frolicking in the mud in the background.  In the b.g., we hear loud crashing sounds from Munching Sam’s bathroom.  The sound of Squidward and Munching Sam’s voices continues over the following cut]

[Meanwhile, Squidward bought himself a suit of armor at the Swords & Such store.] 

Squidward: [comes out in a suit of armor, sing-songs a fanfare and opens his helmet] Let's see that twine-twirling twit try to unravel this! Huh. Huh? [his suit ironically gets unraveled by SpongeBob, leaving him nuzzling underwater.] Really? [his helmet closes on his nose] Ouch!

[The scene changes to dusk over the outskirts of Bikini Bottom. SpongeBob continues pulling the loose string and completely unravels all of Bikini Bottom, leaving nothing there. SpongeBob pulls the string and gets pulled up to the surface where a fisherman fished him out. SpongeBob pulls the loose string and completely unravels the fisherman until he's gone. The string leads him over to Bikini Atoll and SpongeBob unravels the island until it's gone. He pulls himself up into the sky and into outer space, where he completely unravels the Milky Way and the entire universe, leaving nothing more than a white dimension. Now, with everything completely gone, SpongeBob finally finds the end of the loose string. Just then, Patrick comes in.] 

SpongeBob: Patrick, hi. 

Patrick: [sees a loose string on SpongeBob's shirt] You have a thing on your thing. [Patrick pulls the loose string on SpongeBob and ugggh] 

Patrick: gah!  You got my string!  

SpongeBob: ahh, aaaaaaah!  i was getting worried.  

Patrick: You tied it up so tight.  [They sit down and continue watching the sky.]  

SpongeBob: Yeah.  

Patrick: Yeah.  

SpongeBob: Look at that.  

Patrick: It's awesome.  

SpongeBob: i know.  

Patrick: i like you even more now, ya know?  

SpongeBob: i think we're gonna be really good friends.  

Patrick: Me too.  

SpongeBob: Man, i was worried that maybe we just wouldn't.  

Patrick: c'mon.  

SpongeBob: i know.  

Patrick: Where do you wanna go?  

SpongeBob: baaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!  We'll go to the island!  

Patrick: i like that!  

SpongeBob: Okay!  Let's go!  

Patrick: aaah!  

SpongeBob: What?!  

Patrick: i'm sorry!  

SpongeBob: aaaaah!  

Patrick: The island's so far away!  [SpongeBob finally gets it together and starts running towards the island with Patrick chasing him.  SpongeBob trips and falls on a rock.  Patrick comes crashing through the other end of the rock and lands on top of SpongeBob.]  

SpongeBob: Pat!  Are you okay?  

Patrick: okay!  We're not gonna die!  

SpongeBob: Patrick, please tell me you're gonna be okay!  

Patrick: Aaaaah!  That's awesome!  

SpongeBob: You gotta be okay, Patrick!  

Patrick: Yeah!  [SpongeBob checks his leg and is relieved to find no damage] So, so, so bad.  [They stand up after the fall] This is actually an awesome problem to have, y'know?  

Patrick: Uh.  i want SpongeBob back!  

SpongeBob: You can't lose SpongeBob!  

Patrick: Yes i can!  

SpongeBob: Patrick, you're only this high up, SpongeBob!  And you're building higher and higher!  If you jump, you'll kill yourself!  Problem solved!  

Patrick: Yea.  Okay.  Alright, i guess that's it then.  Spong.