Controlling Tiger
EXT. TOWER BRIDGE, LONDON - AFTERNOON
Lovable hairdresser KING SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS is arguing with charming lawyer MR. EUGENE KRABS. SPONGEBOB tries to hug EUGENE but he shakes him off.
Please Eugene, don't leave me.
I'm sorry SpongeBob, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
I am such a person!
EUGENE frowns.
I'm sorry, SpongeBob. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
EUGENE leaves.
SPONGEBOB sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, witty psychiatrist PRINCE PATRICK STAR barges in looking flustered.
Goodness, Patrick! Is everything okay?
I'm afraid not.
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
It's ... a tiger ... I saw an evil tiger fire a bunch of children!
Defenseless children?
Yes, defenseless children!
Bloomin' heck, Patrick! We've got to do something.
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
You can start by telling me where this happened.
I was...
PATRICK fans himself and begins to wheeze.
Focus Patrick, focus! Where did it happen?
St Michael's Mount, Cornwall! That's right - St Michael's Mount, Cornwall!
SPONGEBOB springs up and begins to run.
EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
SPONGEBOB rushes along the street, followed by PATRICK. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
EXT. ST MICHAEL'S MOUNT, CORNWALL - SHORTLY AFTER
FLYING DUTCHMAN GUY a controlling tiger terrorises two children.
SPONGEBOB, closely followed by PATRICK, rushes towards FLYING DUTCHMAN, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
What is is? What's the matter?
That's not just any old tiger, that's Flying Dutchman Guy!
Who's Flying Dutchman Guy?
Who's Flying Dutchman Guy? Who's Flying Dutchman Guy?Only the most controlling tiger in the universe!
Blinkin' knickers, SpongeBob! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most controlling tiger in the universe!
You can say that again.
Blinkin' knickers, SpongeBob! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most controlling tiger in the universe!
I'm going to need razors, lots of razors.
Flying Dutchman turns and sees SpongeBob and Patrick. He grins an evil grin.
SpongeBob SquarePants, we meet again.
You've met?
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young SPONGEBOB is sitting in a park listening to some drum and bass music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees FLYING DUTCHMAN. He takes off his headphones.
Would you like some barley sugar?
SPONGEBOB's eyes light up, but then he studies FLYING DUTCHMAN more closely, and looks uneasy.
I don't know, you look kind of controlling.
Me? No. I'm not controlling. I'm the least controlling tiger in the world.
Wait, you're a tiger?
SPONGEBOB runs away, screaming.
EXT. ST MICHAEL'S MOUNT, CORNWALL - PRESENT DAY
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
(To SPONGEBOB) You ran away?
(To PATRICK) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
SPONGEBOB turns to FLYING DUTCHMAN.
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
SPONGEBOB runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with razors.
I'm not scared of you.
You should be.
EXT. CENTRAL PARK, NEW YORK - LATER THAT DAY
SPONGEBOB and PATRICK walk around searching for something.
I feel sure I left my razors somewhere around here.
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly razors.
You know nothing Patrick Star.
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
Suddenly, FLYING DUTCHMAN appears, holding a pair of razors.
Looking for something?
Crikey, SpongeBob, he's got your razors.
Tell me something I don't already know!
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
I know that already!
I'm afraid of dust.
(appalled) Dude!
While FLYING DUTCHMAN is looking at PATRICK with disgust, SPONGEBOB lunges forward and grabs his deadly razors. He wields them, triumphantly.
Prepare to die, you controlling carrot!
No please! All I did was fire a bunch of children!
EUGENE enters, unseen by any of the others.
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those children were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! SpongeBob SquarePants defender of innocent children.
Don't hurt me! Please!
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these razors on you right away!
Because SpongeBob, I am your father.
SPONGEBOB looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
No you're not!
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
FLYING DUTCHMAN tries to grab the razors but SPONGEBOB dodges out of the way.
Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?
Unexpectedly, FLYING DUTCHMAN slumps to the ground.
Did he just faint?
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly razors.
SPONGEBOB crouches over FLYING DUTCHMAN's body.
Be careful, SpongeBob. It could be a trick.
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Flying Dutchman Guy is dead!
What?
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.
PATRICK claps his hands.
So your razors did save the day, after all.
EUGENE steps forward.
Is it true? Did you kill the controlling tiger?
Eugene how long have you been...?
EUGENE puts his arm around SPONGEBOB.
Long enough.
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Flying Dutchman Guy.
Then the children are safe?
It does seem that way!
A crowd of vulnerable children enter, looking relived.
You are their hero.
The children bow to SPONGEBOB.
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Flying Dutchman Guy will never fire children ever again, is enough for me.
You are humble as well as brave!
One of the children passes SPONGEBOB a magic pendant
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
I couldn't possibly.
Pause.
Well, if you insist.
SPONGEBOB takes the pendant.
Thank you.
The children bow their heads once more, and leave.
SPONGEBOB turns to EUGENE.
Does this mean you want me back?
Oh, SpongeBob, of course I want you back!
SPONGEBOB smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
Well you can't have me.
WHAT?
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a tiger to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
But...
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Patrick.
PATRICK grins.
But...
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
SpongeBob?
I'm sorry Eugene, but I think you should skidaddle.
EUGENE leaves.
PATRICK turns to SPONGEBOB.
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
Of course you are!
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly PATRICK stops.
When I said I'm afraid of dust, you know I was just trying to distract the tiger don't you?
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