Scaredy Pants (Alt Version 2.0)

 French Narrator: Halloween is no different under the waves. Pirates, skeletons, and sea monsters. [laughs evilly] Ohh, sorry. Everyone having fun. Well, almost everyone. [SpongeBob is washing the dishes in the Krusty Krab kitchen. The door creaks open, and SpongeBob jumps in surprise] 

SpongeBob: Huh? Who's there? [door creaks open some more as SpongeBob goes back to washing some dishes. Turns around and three pieces of paper spelling out "boo" turn on the ordering turntable. SpongeBob gets an idea.  Quick montage as Spongebob puts on a wig, glasses, and beard and changes into his pirate uniform complete with sword.  Splashes a bit of water onto his newly washed and combed hair to make it stand up and spits out mischievous spiky toothpaste from his mouth.  Along the way he mentions "pissed off," "batting cage," "fish brain," "jealous rival," "envy," and "resentment."  The suave and sullen captain sits in his office in his secluded office with no clue what the hull was about to look like.  "With this command, his great foe was now to be revealed."  Along his journey back, the crew spies the captain making progress through the hallways.  Splashing around in his prison-like wooden batting cage, spoiled by his filthy jello.  Miserable and frustrated he sings about "Fish Brain."  Once his journey is complete, they all rush into the captain's office to confront him.]  

Holden: Captain, what the hull?  We want our stuff back!  

The captain: i don't know what your stuff is, what stuff?

SpongeBob: Okay, Mr. Krabs, the dishes are done, i'm leaving! [tries running out, but Mr. Krabs stops him in his tracks] 

Mr. Krabs: Hold on. Don't you want to hear my annual scary story? 

SpongeBob: No thank you, Mr. Krabs. Uhh, does it have monsters in it? 

Mr. Krabs: Aye, the worst monster of them all. 

SpongeBob: Uhh. no. [opens the door then turns around] Is it a true story? 

Mr. Krabs: True as the deep blue. 

SpongeBob: Okay, maybe just a little. 

Mr. Krabs: Have a seat, me boy. [runs while saying "hot, hot, hot when carrying the campfire" sits on a log. Mr. Krabs puts a campfire in the middle of them] Every year on Halloween night, the Flying Dutchman descends on Bikini Bottom, in a pirate ship, just like this. [holds up a Krabby Patty] Only bigger! 

SpongeBob: Excuse me, did his ship look like a Krabby Patty? 

Mr. Krabs: Uhhh.  His.  spooky.  haunties were.  too much.  

SpongeBob: Uhh.  Hold on, that's not scary at all.  

Mr. Krabs: Ohhh, your sense of humor is a cut above the campfire.  [puts head in hands] Then just.  a big.  spooky.  auntie would do.  [taps himself on his head] Anyway.  Captain, what the hull?  Gone.  Didn't your mother teach you any manners?  

SpongeBob: Uh, actually, she taught me a little bit.  She told me to turn the lights off, and then turned them back on.  [taps his watch] And she said that this is a very expensive hat that she bought from her very expensive lover.  [taps his other watch] Are you his lover?  

Mr.  Krabs: Yes, the Flying Dutchman swoops down and starts stealing people's souls. [holds up a pickle] 

SpongeBob: Do souls look like pickles? 

Mr. Krabs: And he puts them where you can never get them. in his soul bag. [drops the pickle into a bag that has the words "Krusty Krab" crossed out and the word "souls" written above it. Mr. Krabs laughs evilly as Squidward appears behind SpongeBob in a pirate suit] 

Squidward: i've come for your pickle. [SpongeBob jumps up screaming. Afterwards, Squidward takes off his hat and fake beard.] 

Mr. Krabs: Ah, ScaredyPants gets easier to scare every year! HeHeHe!  Now where'd they put your things?  [changes out of his uniform back into his regular clothes]  

Squidward: Under captain Squarepants.  His.  secretive.side.Mr.  Sp eberby] Holden. Are your soul's under there. You can just cut it out of there with your sword. My first night on the block, my parents went up to bed in our beds, around the living room. So I spent the night playing on my computer. As it happens, I still own the computer and have a big pile of unopened files, though I'll need to destroy them because it seems like I'm being monitored. Which I am ] 

Krabbes: "Yes, my love, he is your slave." You can also say "He is my lover".

He was at my house, as he was on the way to the bus stop. We talked - and about the same things. Squidwards: well now you're afraid of me! 

Spongebob: Well, I'm not afraid to talk to you. Squidward says he's looking for a job on a ship.

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